Why the indie web feels right for me
....because it's a bunch of creative people who are connected.
More specifically, it's a place with a healthy amount of hobbyists, my favorite type of creative, people who are making and doing out of love and enjoyment. I love learning more about professionals, of course, and I spend a lot of time doing so, but seeing people like me just doing their thing, being vulnerable and open in their blogs, and making what they love without any thought of keeping their work in line with a particular vision or concept is really refreshing. I need that refreshment a lot; I really just love being around creative people! I deeply miss the days where my friends (all gone across the country and whatnot now) and I would wander our downtown artsy districts in the daytime, checking out any small businesses and galleries on First Fridays (and other days too), pooling change to afford some sort of food to share and talking about our own projects and what we wanted to do. We would go to our friend's shows in the night, usually just in a garage or basement, sweaty as hell and bruised from the mosh pit. I was really lucky to not just be doing this at a time when the millennial optimism was at it's peak, but with a great local network of people who were always DOING something and expressing their emotions and feelings through art without any shame. It was a great time to work through the teenage angst and figure out what it was that I loved and learn what made me special. Everyone was different in some way and everyone matter for that, I'm not trying to say it was perfect, but it hasn't been that good since. I'm pretty bad at reaching out to people if it's not an irl setting; I'm like some weird introvert online and an extrovert irl. I've always hated the lack of minutiae that comes from text based interactions and I'm always stuck overthinking how I appear to people who are reading my words without hearing me say them and seeing my physical gestures. I've spent a lot of years working on reading people's faces, their vocal tones, all these things to better converse and connect with people, all of this is dissipated in most online interactions. Even the lag of a zoom call ruins things for me. So, when all this irl stuff tapered off, and I had to leave the city for a new college, I was pretty bummed coming back and realizing a lot of the energy was gone. I didn't think it would just leave lack that when I did, but a lot of us were heading off to college too, getting jobs elsewhere, or spending time with romantic partners more. Sometimes I wonder if I had jumped to a bigger city like Chicago or a place practically made of this type of scene (at the time, at least) like Portland, would I be making a living as an artist right now? Would I be working on projects with other creatives and making things I would be incredibly proud of? My husband (a character I rarely mention lol) is a musician, because of course a husband of mine is, and we have talked before about how we might benefit from moving and shoving ourselves back into a local creative scene. Even with the internet, it's still very hard to be a part of an artist scene without actually being physically around these people. And to be fair, both of us have barely done much creative work at all! We've talked about, to little avail, how we both need to get more serious about what we do. But when you get into a lifestyle centered around a job and bills and resting from doing those things, it's hard to drag yourself out of it. I remember when I would treat every little moment I had with more importance: I would wake up, text my friend asking what the move was, check facebook to see if there was any shows going on that I was already invited to (and honestly any I wasn't that I would go with a friend who was), go to work and get that out of the way or go to class, and even if it was just a couple hours left in my day I was spending it with friends. We would squeeze in all the stuff we could as long as we were able. Sleep got in the way sometimes so we would take naps together. If we were going to make something, we made things together, shopped for supplies together, had band practice together, and honestly the magic of body-doubling cannot be overstated here, stuff that I could barely understand that stressed me out completely when I was alone would be completely clear to me when I was in the group. My ideas were always flowing, I was never scared of judgement or rejection, and I keep trying to recapture that flow that used to be abundant.
Now, I won't say that a collection of personal websites is really the same thing as how it felt in those days because it's not. But there's something special in the indie web, that I haven't seen since those days. I think it's because it hits right into the sweet spot of private and un-private. You make something, and maybe people see it, maybe not, but it's not too big of a deal so much that you feel pressure to make it perfect, and not so lonely of an existence that nothing you make is seen. You have some control over the visibility of your work, past the usual websites or social media that people post on. I think its a great thing, because not only do I feel comfortable and encouraged to work on new projects, but I get to see such an amazing variety of work by others who have different skillsets and personal passions. It's a great balance, that really doesn't need much maintenance on behalf of some sort of set amount of people in the community, because it's all pretty loose and freeform to begin with. I've noticed trends that seem to fade in and out, but the low social pressure from the environment means these trends are happening in a more "organic" sense, people are simply interested in doing it, and they do it, and others see it and like it so they do it too. There's not much reason to do it so seem cool or cutting edge or anything, you either like it or you don't. I think much of what seems to trend and design philosophies that get passed around are rooted in retro aesthetics. One in particular I've noticed is dithering images, as it's easy to find a generator to make them. Accessibility will always grease the wheels, for sure. I like that a lot of people are trying to build further upon the "Geocities/Netscape/Windows 98" look that seemed to be a indie web default for a bit and trying to refine their look and feel to something either more specific or from a different era. I like the terminal websites, as they feel clean and easy to navigate while still being charming, often these websites are maintained by people who are more into IT hobbies than the artsy ones. I'm pleasantly surprised at how much I've loved the more feminine minimalist websites I've encountered; often they best capture a serene feel that compliments the more personal tone of their blogs and hobby projects. I often wish I had the restraint to hold back urges to color everything with all my favorite colors and pictures and instead keep things cool and focused like that. But, on the other hand, we're getting some great personal websites that handle maximalism well, as I do enjoy seeing the websites that are trying to capture the era of scene and emo culture. As someone who was =in the trenches= living those days, it's super interesting to see people who are younger who didn't, and what particular things they latch onto and what doesn't make the cut. They have every right to play with all of that stuff the way they want to do it, because I'd rather see people take these moments in time and make improvements, honestly(I love that they're making it all more inclusive, especially in regards to size and body type. It was not like that back then, I hated myself for not being incredibly skinny and flat-chested like all the hot emo/scene chicks were, I was ashamed of my body at a time when nothing was wrong with it). There's way more substyles and styles that I'm seeing, and I'm seeing all kinds of people with all kinds of hobbies and interests. I don't even think a person has to be very creative or artsy to really get into making your own personal webpage, those who are much more tech-leaning can not only still thrive, but are an important components to a community that is unavoidably technical in it's foundation.
So, Bearblog, where do you fit in all this? I consider you a blogging platform with a strong indie web overlap, but I can understand calling this place indie web entirely. I love the posts I read here, which is a lot, and I love how it's a pretty good mix of most everything. I can tell the userbase skews older, at least older than places like Nekoweb or parts of Neocities, and I find that rather refreshing because I'm more interested in the blogging work by people my age or older, anyways. Nothing against the kids lol, I just feel less like an old weirdo knowing there are folks my age who like what I like.
I know I said I was going to take a hiatus to enjoy the new animal crossing update, but as usual, I got a bit distracted. I had a pretty nice shroom trip for the first time in a while the other day, so in my defense I had a bit of a brain reset that has me heading back to stuff I consider more engaging after about an hour of playing or so. Last night I actually got off my ass and started and finished a digital painting. I don't really like it too much, but I'm proud I was able to put in the 4 hours of work and actually finish it, and I've learned a lot by making it, mainly about how I need to approach the next time I draw digitally, which is still really new for me. I have always struggled with rushed and sloppy work, which is probably why my acrylic paintings are something that's surprised me I can do, and I have like a million good sketches for a lot of stuff. Charcoal and graphite are nothing to me, and I know from them alone that I do indeed have the technical skill; just none of the creativity, technique, and I'm beyond impatient. To be fair, much of my impatience stems from knowing I will never pick anything back up and just...keep working on it some other day. The first time I ever did that was last month with my parent's Christmas gift painting, and not only did that drive me insane but I honestly don't like that painting very much. I would love to build the discipline to be able to work on stuff in a way that isn't so draining. My neck is killing me today from the hyperfocus I was in, my neck hunched over my tablet. It's hard to pull myself out of it, as most probably know. But! I don't regret it. I spent hours on a kinda sucky thing, and I feel the experience points it gave me in full. I can't feel bad about it, if anything I'm ready to go again and feel the rush I haven't felt in so long. Going all the way back to the thing this post is initially about, I have the comfort in being creative and making things that I get from often surfing the indie web to thank for that. I don't feel like I need to care much about how good what I've made is, or if it's going to mean anything to anyone else, I can just measure it against my own goals and progress. I think that's pretty great! And my other thing I said I would stop working on, my new website layout, also got a couple of things added because god forbid I ever keep my word with myself. But it's just a few fanlistings and small things like that. I'm actually considering joining a webring or two, but I just don't know what people even like about my website besides having new links to click and maybe some things to read. I'm not really the type to code dressup games or create resources for people, so I'm not sure if there's any point to put myself on a map for others to find me better. I worry if I join something like say, the ADHD webring, I'll feel bad if I don't at least sometimes talk about my ADHD to justify the position I've put myself in. Then again, I actually do that pretty naturally, so maybe it's a matter of figuring out what makes my website what it is.
If you know what the hell my website is, feel free to shoot me an email and tell me.
here!
