It's been a while!
Way too long, imo!
I wish I had some good excuses set up for not writing in so long, but honestly it's all just me doing too much and all of it taking priority over blogging. And to be fair, I think the pressure is starting to get to me! I am not a writer, sister, I am a girl blogging in her room! But it's also just hard to get back in that mental space where the words flow freely and I'm confident enough to hit publish without comparing myself to all the other blogs I like to scroll through. Truth be told, the writing never stops over here! I've dusted off Obsidian daily pages as my new main diary and I gotta say I do love the simple and easy method the most. No cute stuff, just me and the words and I can pull it all up in a click, no friction. I've been cutting a lot of friction in my life in other ways, too, extra laundry hampers, clutter-collecting baskets, and small trash bins and putting all the extra winter stuff away and out of my room. So far I'm glad I took the plunge and finally got those things, they're being well put to use!
Some stuff I've been thinking about:
The Secret History by Donna Tart No...I haven't read it. But it seems like more than half the time I'm dilly-dallying around a new webpage or blog I find it's on someones read list or currently reading list. And the thing is, I put the book on my tablet forever ago. It's just standing there...menacingly. And hey, if I do read it, no one can call me a poser for reblogging all those aesthetic dark academia moodboards anymore. Not that they ever were, but, then I'll have the insurance...or something. Okay be honest guys, is this a good book or not? You internet people better be for real....
IT'S FUCKING SPRING I've been on a bit of a weird kick lately, where I'm determined to make this spring the richest it's ever been. I've already enjoyed the local comic-con, which was exhausting but very worth it, getting some much great stuff from great artists and getting to talk with them about their work really gives me so much joy. Also, I freaking met David Horvitz and got him to autograph my Zim statue!! So the hours in line were all worth it to me lol. Of course I missed a lot of other things and my evil brain loves to dwell on it too much, but that's all the more reason to plan even more and give myself even more time to enjoy what I clearly love to be at.
I AM OBSESSED WITH FIELDS OF MISTRIA I'm only 20 hours in after a weekend of going a little crazy with it but holy fuck I love my kawaii woke Harvest Moon very muchly. The artist, Clair Belton, which you likely know from being the artist and catmom to Pusheen, was one of my absolute favorite artists back in the day on DevianArt. I used to dream of the day I would finally be allowed to get something from Cute-Plush.com and I was always in love with her personal website and work. Something that always made her stand out is how she really understood what made Japanese character culture back in the day it's specific type of cute, back when barely anyone seemed to understand wtf this "kawaii" stuff was, she was mastering that shit and making a unique enough spin on her work to still call it her own without losing any bit of cute. I used to be extremely picky and elitist about this stuff and she did more than meet my uppity standards; she often exceeded them. I'm not surprised she's able to nail the art direction in this game with not just the cute and charming pixel art but the 80s/90s anime feel (specifically I see a lot of Slayers and Escaflowne influences here) is so good it's indistinguishable from other work of the era for me.
HEMLOCKE SPRINGS!! I SWEAR she is my wife in another universe. Every song I hear from her is an experience, every moment I see her talking on camera it's like she's so cool, so laid back, so funny and relatable! I feel like I'm not going to do her justice by describing her. All I can say is that if for whatever weird reason you're not in love with a song she's made, keep going!! Keep listening to her other stuff because it's likely she's on a whole new wave in the next track. Listening to her makes me excited about music again. I'm so sorry Gorillaz, I swear I'll listen to your new album in full soon (before I see you in concert in October!! Which uh btw I'm doing that and need to talk more about it later!). I think Hemlocke is hopefully a peek into what music is going to be more like in the future, which is ideally what you might call "regular" people, people you can connect with or feel connected to, being creative with little to no restraints and without the layer of fake glam. I don't want a deity to fill the god shaped hole I don't have with celebrity worship; I want a fellow creative that's making art about their life with me. Surely I can't be alone? This might get me some flack but I don't want a fandom to join, I want things the other way around; where I show the people close to me art that I love or feel they would love. You know?
I READ A FUNNY BOOK Today, I'll admit this burst of energy is likely from the high of finishing a book I really liked. I'm thinking about just going ahead and buying the monthly support subscription already so I can just make another blog that's specifically for my media reviews. Is anyone going to like that, I wonder? I really just get so caught up in the details of things like organization which is just a little silly of me.
I NEED TO CHILL TF OUT A LIL I've seen some blogs on here talk about it, the idea of making shorter, brief little entries on a more frequent schedule instead of the long essay or thought vomit gigadump like you're getting now. I kinda like that idea a lot, but I'm just not sure if I even have the ability to shut tf up like that. I'm also just plain not able to do this whole blogging thing even on a weekly basis sometimes. What stops me isn't even struggling to start writing or going with it for a bit even, it's the intense shame that comes around some weeks that stop me from hitting publish. It's a dumb thing I fight with often. I mean. Who even cares what I have to say, right? But that's the thing, as much as I would love to say the antidote to this is telling myself that some people really do care, I think what really kicks it back is reminding myself that I do not do this because I think it makes me look cool, or smart (god no), or interesting. I don't do it because it gets me laughs at my quirky joking tone or whatever either, not to say I don't get really happy when people tell me it does. What I'm doing this for is about the simple public documentation of it all...no one can see me grow or change if I don't make even the less interesting parts public. Because I know that's the main fear that stops me, the fear of being boring to other people, or worse, to myself! But the goofiest part of all of that is how the more I allow myself to hit save as draft a million times (trust me I have so much that never makes it out) the less I set a facet of myself in stone...the less of me there is in what is (mostly) supposed to be this digital clone of my personality, thoughts, and tastes. The more unfinished I remain...I stay flat. The project will remain incomplete. It's initially not scary, all of this gestures to my writing, until I have to actually send it out into the world. There's so many uncharitable ways to interpret what I say and how I say it, and I would know since I think about them way more than is normal. It's probably why a wall of text is rather comfortable to hide my true self in, because there's a certain barrier to entry. But knowing that means I need to get out of the comfort zone a little bit and write with a lot more confidence. I don't think I'm the only woman online who needs to work on something like that.
I guess what I'm realizing is that I'm fully thawed out and ready to collect some good days this year. And maybe even put in some work on myself.
I hope everyone is having a good spring. When my allergies aren't trying to kill me, I'm going to attend all kinds of classes and events and go places. Or at the very least walking up a storm in my local park that I just discovered and love. You gotta get out there, man, the sun is totally shining and stuff. Get under the sun and read those books...even if you're just reading them on your phone or listening to them. Take an afternoon vacay from the world to experience the world. :)
fuckin' publish!!