In a weirdly feminist defense of bedrotting

30 Dec, 2025

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Bedrotting, if you don't know, is this fairly small (but often strange enough to get more people talking than anything) movement of people doing exactly what you think; spending all day in bed as much as realistically possible. Then, and the reason I think it's getting a bit of attention, people actually film their days of not doing much outside their bed and post them online. The first part has probably been happening forever and is pretty normal. The second part is a pretty new thing (well, it might be a couple months old if you're more involved with social media) and is kinda weird.

Okay, so, firstly, let me get my nitpicking out of the way. So much of this stuff that makes the rounds online is just annoyingly aesthetic. Hair is clean, room is clean, clothes are fairly clean, everything nicely matches and looks less like barging into a college dorm of someone who hasn't been in class for a month and more like a staged advertisement for link-in-bio pastel bedding on Rednote. From what I can tell, Rednote is where this came from, which I just have to trust secondhand info on this because Rednote is all I ever use for shortform content and I barely remember it exists on my phone. And like most Rednote videos I have seen, everything is just so uncomfortably perfect. Where is the acne? Where is the mismatched blankets and pillows? Where is your trash and stacks of dishes and cups? You'll never make it to the depression olympics with this type of shoddy work.

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So, what is going on here? Why would anyone even think to post something like this in the first place? Well, I'm cynical, so it's hard not to think this is something meant to grab attention and lead people to buy things. But I'm going to pretend that isn't the whole of it for the sake of embracing the more interesting wider conversation about this whole thing. From what I see, it's mostly young women doing this. Uh, why is that? Well, as a woman, I can see pretty easily why. These videos feel so "by and for women" to me that I almost forget there's rarely any guys making this content and enjoying it. When I showed the guys in my life this stuff, they found it weird and unpleasant, and they genuinely didn't "get" it. Fair enough, why would they? This bedrotting and "giving up at home" stuff is actually fairly new to the online Girl World™. I think it's actually kind of refreshing! More loser girl influencers please!

And I do not think I'm alone with this sort of catharsis felt and fascination that oh, you can just post yourself doing lame things and being something closer to a realistic loser. You can opt out of a lot of the bullshit we're sold about keeping up with skincare routines, workout routines, meal prep, working on a planner, social upkeep, home maintenance, wardrobe maintenance, meditation routines and diet upkeep and the world will not explode.¹ If you're female, it is likely that your social media feed is zeroed in mostly on making things better, doing things better, and being a better person. Also some cute cat videos to keep the insanity at bay a little bit. To be fair, men are now getting this too more than ever, which is why I think a lot of them are more open to push back on how unhealthy it can be in such excess. It's social media, so everyone is taking whatever thing it is this week and pushing it to the extreme in the effort to outdo each other and get more attention. But with women specifically, we've been sold this "you can and should do it all" for a very long time. A clean and well-decorated house, a few successful, smart, and happy children, a good-looking husband who always finds you beautiful and says the right things, and makes a certain amount of money to support the entire household plus vacations, food that looks amazing that's always ready on time and plentiful all while being thin, curvy, clear-skinned, perfect bouncy hair and a personality that is quiet, kind, just-smart-enough, and interesting when needed. Oh, and let's not forget zero body hair always, takes care of any social affairs with other families and adults, and does all the bookkeeping and the dishes and the damn laundry.

And well, are things better now that we're past this sort of cookie-cutter vintage ideal?

I would say barely. Things are indeed better for women to a point, but I think a lot of this still stands but is just framed differently. A lot of industries are hard at work making sure you no longer do things such as, let's say, wear uncomfortable clothes and shoes, shave damn near everything, and put on makeup, for a man in our lives (or to attract one) but instead we're (supposedly) doing this for ourselves now. How wonderful, these companies are now still making money but this time it's definitely for feminism for real this time! How could we not trust them to tell us what to spend our money on? How could we hashtag girlboss slay without bald legs, uncomfortable heels, and concealer to cover our ugly spots? How could women possibly pay their bills or accomplish anything without a pristine house due to an assortment of cleaning products and gadgets? How could any woman secure self-respect without her hashtag treatyoself 15 dollar full body deodorant and 4 dollar face mask? And you have a planner, right? The perfect one? Oh well you need the perfect one, and it's over 30 dollars.

Well, you probably get it at this point, but I think a lot of more feminine "wellness" really carries on a lot of these ideas uncritically. I think a lot of it would be less annoying if it wasn't always trying to push this whole "you love this, you want this" sort of spin on it all, or worse, a sort of "this pain, cost, and discomfort is worth it for looking a certain way" because uhh no it usually is not! This stuff isn't just pilates and gua sha scrapes; it's high-end planners and organizers, it's organization workbooks,² it's pretty much all home decor...I think we're at this point where nearly all women just think it's normal to spend this much time (and money!) on nailing the perfect routine and thinking about how we can improve as people. But who decides the standard in which we idolize? Is it decided on evidence alone? Who gets to decide what the baseline normal is and what is below that? When we make this "normal" anything that doesn't achieve this is seen as something that needs fixing. I'm not going to say that these ideas of normal are completely wrong, but sometimes framing something as abnormal and as some sort of personal red flag just puts people in a mindset that nearly obsesses over fixing the problem. Pair that with the social media habit of needing things to improve FAST and NOW and you have a bunch of people, much of them women, who are burnt out at the idea of even getting started on the long list of what must be done to be seen as average. Hell, even the women in a lot of these videos are hitting beauty standards and generally making a visually pleasant videos and people are still in shock at the audacity they have at showing themselves doing something so shameful and self-serving.

Past the narrative of not hitting a certain expected standard of women online, there's a wider observation one can make about these women, particularly in China, about a resistance to living in line with an ethic that glorifies (over)work and labor. All of the people in these videos are showing that yes, people who do not work for at least a day, maybe more, not only exist, but perhaps even in a way that seems enviable to the person watching on their phone during their 20 minute lunch break. Of course, in response, this sort of content goes the way of the lying flat movement, where the content and dialogue is suppressed in the Chinese internet for glorifying a lifestyle that doesn't seem to benefit much else than the single person. I don't agree with doing that but I see the reasoning here. It's a little dramatic; the whole "omg but what if everyone does this and no one goes to work EVER!!" idea that just validates some people that what they have been feeling for a while is justified. People in China, America too, are tired and overworked and frustrated that nothing seems to ever change. How could this not lead to a worldwide depression among the working class? How could people not want to just stop doing anything and save their energy?

So when I see people putting special attention in normalizing their bedrotting routine, I can't help but see this all as a form of resistance and a cry for critique of the opposite end. Be honest, how much of you feels envious at the free time and lack of consequences these people (seem to) face for not doing anything for a day or more? I think, in a more normal world with more justice, there wouldn't be any envy. There would instead be pity for someone that seems to be struggling with depression. There would be a wider conversation³ about how it's okay to reach out for help when this happens and how you don't need to judge yourself so harshly for being like this. But unfortunately...well, so many people are frustrated to witness this because they too feel the urge to do this and have to fight it. So many people are looking at equally depressed people and wondering why they aren't coping differently with the same issue they have. It's a little weird, right? Shouldn't you wish they were in a better situation that doesn't cause or add to this? Why would them being able to do this change that there's some sort of sadness and possible suffering they have? In a decent life, being in bed all day is a sign of something wrong, there are ways to still relax and recharge that are healthier. But in a world where you're often fighting to stay afloat, it's almost enraging to see people refusing to throw any punches and remain safe. But what if it's because they're already badly hurt?